I've been through a lot lately. I mean, we all go through quite a bit in our lives, but I've been going through A LOT.
The entire month of September, and even a bit into October, I've been a wreck. Never have I felt so out of touch with myself. I've hit rock bottom before, but never have I dug myself below ground level.
I pulled through though, somehow. I'm not really sure how I did it.
Just seems in my darkest hour, I came across the brightest realisation.
I'm never going to be any more, or any less, then who I am. I can try on emotions, and play with my appearance. I can even change my laugh or switch up my friends, but I'll still be me. I'm not going to be any different beneath all the material things, lies, and assumptions.
Lauren. That's who I am.
The moment I realised that, was the same moment I found myself.
Never should i have let myself sink so low. I thought the entire time I needed him to pull me out.
Really though, in reality, I just needed a boost from myself.
Except, it'd be nice to have him back. I mean, I can move on, I'll live without him... but I'd rather have him in my life.
It really is hard to love some one at my age. I may not be IN love, but he truly does mean the world to me. I guess it's best we had this break, so that I could figure out what i wanted out of life.
We can never conditionally love someone,
if we don't love ourselves.
We have to open up to the inner beauty within ourselves,
in order to see it within the people around us.
But how can we love ourselves? When love is selflessness? Good question.
I havn't figured that one out yet.
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